Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris
Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris
Rebuilding After Financial Collapse: One Woman's Journey
What does the path from financial despair to freedom actually look like? In this deeply personal conversation, Certified Master Financial Coach Elizabeth Ramos reveals her remarkable journey from accumulating $300,000 in debt as a single mother to completely eliminating it—and now helping others do the same.
Despite being naturally gifted with money management from childhood (creating budgets at age eight!), Elizabeth found herself spiraling into massive debt after her divorce when trying to build a new life for her son. The emotional weight of this financial burden created feelings of shame, regret, and isolation that many listeners will recognize from their own experiences. "I was consumed with just regret, just loneliness, just shame," Elizabeth shares, describing the dark place where financial struggles led her.
The conversation explores not just the practical aspects of financial recovery but delves deeply into the emotional toll that money problems take on relationships, mental health, and self-image. Elizabeth articulates how financial stress creates relationship strain, parenting challenges, and even health problems—a cascade of consequences that extend far beyond bank statements and credit scores.
What sets this episode apart is Elizabeth's straightforward explanation of her three-step coaching process that helped her climb out of debt and now guides her clients: understanding money habits and personal history, establishing accountability, and creating concrete action plans. She emphasizes that financial recovery isn't just about spreadsheets—it's about restoring hope and envisioning a different future.
Whether you're facing overwhelming student loans, recovering from gambling debt, dealing with pandemic-related financial setbacks, or simply want to optimize your savings, Elizabeth's message offers both practical guidance and emotional reassurance. Her approach bridges the gap between crisis management and wealth-building, preparing clients for the next stage of their financial journey.
Ready to transform your relationship with money? Visit ElizabethRamos.coach to learn how financial coaching might be your first step toward true financial freedom.
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Welcome to Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris, where we talk about relevant issues as it relates to individuals in grief as they navigate finances and the advisors who help them. We help clients in grief navigate financial matters. We also teach advisors how to emotionally and financially work with clients in grief through an unparalleled process. This week's episode is sponsored by Life After Grief Financial Planning and Life After Grief Consulting. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris. In this episode I have a very special guest. Her name is Elizabeth Ramos and, as I have indicated on previous podcasts, the people that I seem to attract on the podcast seem to be very well educated and very well versed and have a lot of wisdom. Liz fits that mold to a T and I'm going to boast up Liz a little bit here in regards to her formal education. She has a master's of science and management and leadership.
Speaker 2:She also has an MBA and she is also a certified master financial coach.
Speaker 1:All that being said, she is a real life person that has come from some humble beginnings in regards to where she has come with finances, and she's traveled the journey like many other folks, experiencing debt, hardship. She was a single mother and she's reached the other side in regards to being successful and she is now kind of dedicated the next steps in her career to being a financial coach. And I'm gonna to let her kind of go into some details, but I've known Liz for probably three, four years Is that right, liz? About four years. So it's been a very, very yes, about four years.
Speaker 1:I'd say a pleasure on my part to get to know Liz and her family, especially her husband who's a riot. So I'm going to let you kind of take it, liz tell us a little bit about yourself and then I want to highlight what you do and the good that you do.
Speaker 2:Okay, hi, chris, hi everyone. Thank you so much for having me on your podcast. I'm so excited to be here and to share a little bit about me. So I came from, like you said, a humble beginning. I have always hated math, which I think is very ironic. Math was always my weakest subject in school.
Speaker 1:But you're very good at math now.
Speaker 2:But I've always been drawn to numbers. So at a very young age, thinking back, I think I was around eight years old when I did my first budget, which I know people are like how could you? You're so young, how did you even know? Well, obviously, at eight years old, you don't know that you're doing a budget. But what I was doing is taking all of the money I was getting from allowances or birthdays or anything I was getting like that and I was sticking back then into either a piggy bank or my little pocket in my mattress and that would be my savings account.
Speaker 2:And I have four older brothers so they knew I always had a stash of money. So they'd be like, oh, can I have a loan, can I borrow this, can I borrow that? I had already allocated for the year for every occasion Mother's Day, father's Day, birthday, christmas what amount or what portion of my savings is going to be allocated to each one of those things? So I was very, very strict in terms of my spending habits, even at a young age. Having said that, as I got older, one of the things that I experienced in life, like many other people out there, is I got married very young and I ended up in a divorce. My son was relatively young. He was under three years old. I decided to wipe the slick clean and have a brand new start, so I jetted to a brand new state. I left New York for Florida and with that I wanted to give my son a brand new life and a lot of different things.
Speaker 1:Can I just interject real quick, Liz? So in New York, when you got divorced, I think there's a turning point that probably happened in your life financially. Oh yeah, Can you just touch on that as well?
Speaker 2:Well, I was not financially secure but I had just secured a really good job I was working at American Express and I saw that to be the turning point for something good in my life. So that kind of empowered me to say, ok, time to make that move, try to buy a house, try to give my son that puppy he wanted, all those different things that I wasn't able to do in New York, and also just get away from the negative situation that I was in for the last few years.
Speaker 2:So I was not in debt at that point in time I was kind of just neutral in a neutral place. But once I came to Florida and I started wanting to start my life anew, that's when I actually encountered it and I got myself into a lot of debt $300,000 worth of debt.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Yes, on a very, very single mother income and trying to want to do everything at the same time for this little boy. Because I thought you know as much as I was very strict in in, in disciplining myself in terms of my money and my finances. I was like, okay, got a great job, I'm going to make this happen, I'm going to pay it back. You know that, the mentality that we have, we want everything now. Um, my, my son's going to have everything that I wasn't able to give him before or I didn't have. So I went ahead and in about seven years, had about $300,000 in debt, and that didn't include my mortgage, that was just everything else. So at this point in time, I spiraled into, I would say, a very dark place. I was consumed with just regret, just loneliness, just shame, and I was thinking like how am I?
Speaker 1:going to ever get out of here?
Speaker 2:How am I going to face my son? How am I going to be able to give him that life that I wanted? Eventually, I had to just stop looking for excuses. I just dusted myself off the ground, picked myself up and said you know what? It's just time for you to just make a change. I just went on and started looking on the internet, start researching, reading books and start putting together plans for myself.
Speaker 2:Every little thing that I learned I put into my little goals and my little plan. I started creating budgets that were on paper this time, that were using Excel or Access so different, different tools and then the most important thing was just holding myself accountable. I, you know, I started making really hard goals. I'm not going to spend or this is going to be what I'm going to spend this month or this week, and slowly after after, I would say, another seven years, I was able to dig myself out of that debt. So I'm happy to say where I am now that 300,000 debt has been completely paid out, and I'm actually my husband and I are on a two year plan to be completely debt free.
Speaker 1:Well, congratulations.
Speaker 2:That's tremendous. Yes, thank you. That's a long journey.
Speaker 1:I want to touch on a couple of things that kind of stood out to me. So an early age you have been good innately with money and a lot of people can't necessarily say that they are good with money kind of from childhood. And then you said that life happens, so you go from basically you as an individual, being very, very good with money. All of a sudden you have this other person. You have to care for your son and you want to give them the world and do things for them. That you may not have experienced because you can have the ability to do that. But what it did in terms of that, it kind of let your guard down and it let you exceed your boundaries, so to speak, all in good nature for your son and for the benefit. But then on the other end of that, you experienced in what I would consider some grief in regards to the spending habits and the spending patterns and the regret that you had spoken about. So you finally reached to a I would say a pinnacle where you realize that this was kind of out of control and you needed to fix it.
Speaker 1:And what I've seen is that most people aren't able to realize when it gets out of control or to put those boundaries back into place. And you have the ability again. You're a brilliant lady and you have the ability to do that. You have a strong mind to be able to do that. A lot of other people aren't able to do that and they just kind of continue to spiral or they just ignore it and kind of hope it goes away. And you now have gone through that experience and realized it and now are on the other side and now you can coach people to better themselves or kind of see the light. Am I correct? Then? Kind of that journey for you was about 14 years, is that right From the beginning to when you finally realized that you were kind of out of the debt?
Speaker 2:Yes, that's right. It took me seven years to accumulate that huge mountain of debt and it took me another seven years to get out of it. Yes, that's right, it took me seven years to accumulate that huge mountain of debt and it took me another seven years to get out of it, so that 14 years.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's a long time.
Speaker 2:It's a long time. You don't really think about it while you're doing it. You know you're like, oh, it's seven years. You start making excuses without really rationalizing you know your actions. You start thinking, no, I'm going to pay it off, I have a really good job. You know it's bringing my child pleasure and he's happy. And you start putting buffers in there right and blinders on because you're always thinking the next paycheck, I'm going to pay a big chunk of it off and I'm not going to spend anymore. And then you want to take that child on a vacation or you see this other thing that you think will be great for them, or this kind of you know lifestyle, and it quickly adds up. So, even though 14 years seems like it's a really long time, it goes by so fast and before you know it that amount can really swallow you. It can be, you know, depending on everyone's got different situations. Even a a $10,000 amount. If you can't afford, it will feel like a mountain on your shoulders.
Speaker 1:Sure, yeah, without a doubt. And what I know of you now so if you were your coach back then, I'm sure you would have shortened that timeframe dramatically. And that's what you're able to do for folks now is you're able to take your experience, your personal experience, your professional education which there's a lot of it and really help people in a really, really good way. So I'm going to ask you you take that experience, you take the fact that you're a certified master financial coach. Now how do you turn that into concrete steps and how do you actually help people?
Speaker 2:So the first thing I want to do and if I can just take one step back, it should be that seven years because I was doing them myself, I didn't know that there was someone out there that could help me. So as I was building, putting together building blocks for myself, you know, I was uncovering different things and different avenues and different services that I can, you know, implement myself to help my situation. What I can do today is take that whole wealth of information and break it down into very, very specific and strategic action steps. So the first thing I would do is have a complimentary consultation. I really want to get to know who is this person right Before you even you don't want to look at someone based on their situation.
Speaker 2:I want to get to know who you are. Who is Chris based on their situation? I want to get to know who you are. Who is Chris you know before he got into this situation.
Speaker 2:The next step is to understanding how they got into this situation. And the third part of that consultation is okay, are we a good fit for one another? Right, I want that person to feel comfortable and be able to be themselves and be transparent with me. Comfortable and be able to be themselves and be transparent with me. And I want I want them to be able to trust me and be able to open up, because if you can't build that rapport, then there's no sense working with a person if they're always going to feel like they can't come and be transparent. So that's what that consultation part of it is is just to kind of assess that, make sure that person's comfortable, the client is comfortable, I'm comfortable, it's a really good fit. And then from there on, what I would do is then put together a schedule and start putting some tactical efforts in there and say, okay, this is the schedule that I'm seeing, based on your unique situation.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking we're going to be meeting for this amount of time right off the door and then after that, the third step to this process would be we would kick off the planning and development stages when we actually put an action plan together to take that person from point A to point B, from where they are now to where they want to be, and then we continuously work on that process and those tangible efforts to make sure that we're making progress. There's things that we're always going to be fine-tuning through the process, making sure it's working. If something's not working, we can fine-tune and make sure that we're looking at alternatives. So that's kind of, in a nutshell, the plan that I have in store to get someone from point A to point B and make sure that they're making tangible and relatable, I guess, progress on what their life looks now versus what's going to look maybe three months from now.
Speaker 1:So I like to paraphrase, because I'm not as smart as you are and so I want to make sure that I've got it. And so and I paraphrase it in three steps I'm probably going to add a fourth step. So the first step is really you're getting to know the person but you're figuring out their money habits and figuring out kind of where they came from and what is kind of putting them into this situation and in the life. And I liken that to you. You had very good money habits.
Speaker 1:Maybe you encounter someone that has very poor money habits, but it's important for you to understand that up front so you can further develop that relationship and see if it's going to be a good fit for you, because a good fit for me and my practice would not necessarily be someone that has extremely poor money habits, no matter what advice that I give them. And then the second step one of the things that really stood out to me is accountability. You are making this individual and they're allowing themselves to be held accountable. And then the third step is you are putting together concrete action plans to get them from, like you said, point A to point B. And then the fourth step I don't know if it's necessarily a step, but it's kind of all encompassing. You're giving these individuals a vision of how life can be after they get out of debt. Is that a good kind of synopsis of what you described?
Speaker 2:It is. It's a very good depiction of the process.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I wanted to give you a little bit more airplay, so to speak, and talk about some of the feelings that were associated. You just touched on it, but I think it's very important to touch on the feelings that someone has when they're developing the bad money habits and or they're accumulating debt and then they realize that this is an accumulation of things that have happened over time and then you know you get involved in how the feeling changes. They've kind of realized that there's a light. Just kind of go into some of that information, if you will.
Speaker 2:So while you're spending money it's I mean, you can have an adrenaline rush because you're not really thinking. You're just thinking of the things you're getting out of it, whether it's, you know, it's memories or it's you know it's actually physical items. You're just kind of going through the adrenaline rush, so you're not really thinking of the consequences. So at that point in time, when you're spending the money, you might have a little bit of concern or kind of like oh, guilt, I shouldn't be spending this. You know this is bad, I should stop. But you're letting your desire for this type of lifestyle is overtaking the guilt or any kind of reluctance that you have or resistance. So you continue that behavior until it kind of gets you into a place that's not happy anymore. So now, for instance, if you're in a family and you have a spouse, there's things that you can't do. Maybe you can't pay the mortgage, maybe you can't pay the rent, you're missing car payment, the credit card is turned off because you're not paying your bills on time. The creditors are, you know, blowing up your phone. Your wife can't go shopping in peace because there's no money. You know now she's ending up window shopping versus actually going for items and you start to get a strain on your relationship and as you start to get a strain on your relationship, your kids are hearing the fighting that's going on between mom and dad, or you know, or whatever your situation is, and it's causing a real strain in the household. Is the core, you know, contributor to this situation. You're starting to feel angry with yourself, but you're also angry at these people that are around you. So your spouse oh, you're angry at me and you start yelling. So there's resentment, there's anger, there is shame, there is loneliness, right, because you feel like no one understands. You have no one to speak to, no one's going to understand your situation. Yes, you made a mistake, but who can I tell? Like I made this mistake over a long period of time and I didn't stop myself. I should have known better.
Speaker 2:So you start going through all of those feelings of it ends up being despair. It starts affecting your health and I think a lot of people don't really realize the effects that this type of stuff has, not just on your day-to-day life but your mental, emotional state of mind. You cannot go to work focusing, you cannot be the kind of parent that you need to be. You know the employee, the brother, the sister, the friend that you are accustomed to being, just because now you're consumed with, like you said, a level of grief grief because of the life that you once had versus the life that you have now. So there's all those feelings of sadness and and some people just end up being isolated because they feel like that's the best place for them to be.
Speaker 2:It's less complicated for me to kind of just, you know, withdraw into my own little world. Versus dealing with that situation, what I want to do is offer hope. I want to be able to inject hope in them and let them know they're not alone. You know, I went through all the same feelings. I want to reach my hand and say if you're ready to reach back, we can work on this together.
Speaker 2:There is hope and once I take people through this journey of mine, this program, if you will, they start to feel some of that weight on their shoulders lift. They start to believe that, oh my God, they might be real hope. I can probably salvage my marriage. I actually have an extra $20 left this month that you know. I can maybe take my wife to date nights for a movie. It's the little things that start to build and start to become bigger things right. So the first thing is is just showing them that don't give up. If you're ready to be committed to this effort, there I can definitely help you pull you out of that darkness that you're in, and together we can get you on the other side of this and you can take control of your life again and once they go through that, they're able to smile again, they're able to engage in their whole authentic selves.
Speaker 2:Right, they don't have to hide behind the darkness or isolate themselves. They're able to start feeling joy, start being able to embrace the world, start envisioning what their life can be. I start taking that vacation again. I can, you know, become a homeowner again. I can get that car that I want. I can pay for my kids, uh, college. Those things start becoming more of a reality versus a distant, uh past.
Speaker 1:You know memory that they had so I want you to tell us who your ideal person that you would work with, and I'm going to give some, um, very distinct qualities. And so folks that know me know that I am a certified financial planner and basically I have a client that is in grief and I take him through the whole gamut of finances and Liz is basically the person if you were in debt you would come to help get out of debt in advance of that process. And so I want you to just you know, quickly, tell us what your ideal individual or situation is that you would work with so my ideal client would be someone, like you said, that is in debt.
Speaker 2:I don't care how they got to that debt, as long as they're willing to move past it, they're willing to form a commitment and a partnership to move forward. So that person would be they would have a job, they would be able to get support and have the willingness to just move past this so that person can have, you know, $5,000 of debt, or they can have $100,000 of debt, it really doesn't matter, as long as they're willing to admit that, they are ready to get off the floor, they're ready to move on and they're ready to be open to feedback and they're willing to be a participant in this journey. If they're, that's all I'm asking for.
Speaker 2:I want someone that is you know, I don't care if COVID knocked you down and you lost your job and therefore you were in a lot of debt because you had to take loans from family members. I want to get you back into a healthy place. It could be a person that was a gambler and now that you know they're not a gambler anymore, they they saw the light and they want to clean up their act and they want to get back into a healthy state of their finances. It could be a single person that is overwhelmed by student loans. It could be someone that lost their homes but want to rebuild their credit. It could be someone that, just you know, has a little bit of savings, but they want more savings.
Speaker 2:In terms of understanding a good path, I can save a little bit, but I know I can squeeze a little bit more out there. What are some other things I can do to help to build my nest egg, my nest egg being my savings? So I want to get a college fund for my kids, I want to plan for that big house, I want to plan for a new vehicle. What are the things I can do? How can I get those? How can I realize those objectives? I help those people go from where they are today to the next step of their journey that they want out of life.
Speaker 2:And, chris, the way that I would do it, I would be that step that would prep people to get their finances to a good place, a healthy state of mind, when they're at a really good place now. The next step is okay, now I want to build wealth, I want to build a retirement fund, I want to go into stocks and bonds and I want to look into a larger into when I'm 60 or 55, I want to go into stocks and bonds and I want to look into a larger into when I'm 60 or 55, I want to retire. That's at that point in time is when I would say, okay, now it's time for you to work with, let's say, chris, chris Dale, and he would take that step and help to take what they currently have in their savings account, in their 401ks or whatever they have, and then take it to that next step.
Speaker 1:That's perfect. I think you did a great job explaining exactly what you do and who you help and kind of how you help them. I would be remiss if I didn't ask you to tell us how we can reach you specifically on your website.
Speaker 2:So it is Elizabeth Rommels, so the traditional spelling of Elizabeth Rommels R-A-M-O-S dot coach. That is my website. All right.
Speaker 1:So in the description for this podcast I will put Liz's email address as well. I will also list again her website address so you can be sure to contact her. Liz, thank you very much for agreeing to be on the podcast. It was a pleasure and I hope I didn't bite you. I hope I didn't scare you too much.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, Chris. This was a lot of fun. I appreciate you having me on, and it's always a pleasure.
Speaker 1:Appreciate you and for any and all the listeners out there, please feel free to pass this podcast on this episode to any friends, family members and we'll see you on the next episode. Cheers and be well. Thank you for listening to our podcast. If you are a client and are looking to work directly with me, chris and or my firm head on over the fp is for financial planningcom. If you are an advisor looking to emotionally and financially work with your client in grief, or if you are a client looking to get your advisor's head in the game, head on over to life after grief consultingcom, that is, life after grief consultingcom. Any information referenced in this week's podcast will be located here in the podcast section and, as always, please feel free to share this week's podcast with any friend, family member or colleague. Thanks for listening. See you next week on the next episode.